classicgames.org - like a shareware phoenix from the ashes of dos games

Are you new to this site? Then please read this.

If you have an account, please log in:

If you don't have an account, you should create one. It is quick and free.

If you had an account from The Time Before, you'll need to create a new one. Sorry about that.

So, 3D Realms, which used to be Apogee, is posting what they're calling Apogee Legacy Interviews with 3D Realms employees who were around for the glory days.

Of course, the link doesn't work right now. But perhaps our great-great-great grandchildren can view the page, when the compound interest on the nostalgia has made it worth far more to them than it ever will to us.

Posted by Darius

Anonymous sources alleged yesterday that events had occurred involving unknown persons at unspecified times.

Experts disagree on the nature of the events. Some argued that the occurences may have taken place in particular locations; others, such as Igor Anninov of the Center for Ambiguous Life, contend that meaningful activity may occur without being centralized to a particular locus.

"The only thing we can be sure of at this point is that nothing is no longer happening," said Anninov.

The impact of these events on classic shareware games for DOS is still unknown.

Posted by Kevin

The latest reports from Internet statistics site Alexa reveal that classicgames.org has reached the coveted position of the 2,244,628th most popular web site on the Internet.

"It's truly an honour to reach this milestone," said cofounder Kevin F. in a press conference. "And with our synergistic marketing vision for the new millenium, we hope to overtake the two million mark within ten years."

"Really, it's hardly a surprise," said cofounder Darius K. "With all of our assets -- a base of at least three or four loyal visitors, biannual updates, and more or less total apathy from the Creators -- it's a wonder we didn't reach this landmark sooner."

Webmasters of 2,244,627 sites ranked above classicgames are nervous -- and with good reason. Aprotim Sanyal of 1,745,398-ranked sanyal.com explained that "these classicgames guys just came out of nowhere. You can't miss a beat in this industry. One day you're king of the internet; next thing you know, classicgames.org is barely half a million places below you. Now we're constantly looking over our shoulders."

Posted by Kevin

Early Wednesday morning, Internet geniuses and classicgames.org cofounders Kevin F. and Darius K. unveiled to the world their latest, greatest invention: the so-called "FAQ" page. The device, made mostly of electronic relays, toothpicks, and gunpowder, serves the purpose of answering frequently asked questions, hence its acronym, FAQ.

"At first," explained Darius K., "I figured, 'Hey! It'd be cool if I invented something called a "FAQ"'. So I figured out what it stood for and then compiled a list of questions people ask us all the time. I'm about to post it to the website, when Kevin [F.] says to me, 'Hey man, why don't you answer a few of those questions?' And, wow, I was just totally blown away."

Kevin F. continued, "With questions on the one hand, and answers on the other, we knew we had a potentially powerful combination. By using the powers of the Internet to create a viable fusion of these elements, classicgames.org is now poised to corner the interrogative-statement market by Q2 '03."

The entrepreneurs were not without their fair share of detractors. There have been several claims that they actually stole the idea from a loyal fan of their website; however, the cofounders have categorically denied this, declaring the situation "peachy".

Posted by Darius

FORKEY MEADOWS, AL - A middle school reels in shock today after a student, armed with a 9mm submachine gun, mercilessly slaughtered a diorama of the solar system. Local police believe the assailant, Xandor Potenkis, was influenced by violent computer games, specifically Corncob 3D. This suspicion was raised when his mother, who was interviewed shortly after the shooting, mentioned that her son had been up late nights playing a game where "you have to kill abstract shapes of some kind."

Psychoanalysts believe that Potenkis, 16, was whipped into a fervor of bloodlust and took a gun from the extensive collection of his father, a soldier of fortune and pillar of the community. He then went to school and found the first group of colored circles available, in this case, the ill-fated diorama. At this point, he carried out his now-infamous gangland-style massacre of the innocent styrofoam-and-spraypaint victims.

Although the entire community is grieving, Billy Medeski, who built the diorama for his 7th grade Earth Sciences class, was hit hardest. "My god," sobbed Medeski, "I spent two hours on that project. I used two bottles of Elmer's glue. It's never coming back, never."

The shooting has caused renewed outcry for the censorship of violent, crappy, indecipherable computer games. "These games are poisoning our youth," says Linda Bort of the McLean, Va.-based Crackpot Research Group.

Response by anti-censorship activists has been lukewarm. "Okay, so they want to censor Corncob 3D," says Michael Jaspers of Free DOS Shareware Speech. "Like I give a fuck. Good riddance."

classicgames.org staffer Baba Pambazuski had the following to say: "Back in my day, people used to kill dioramas all the time. In fact, The Great War was fought over Otto von Bismarck's solid gold diorama of an authentic Orient Express train station."

A photo of the grisly carnage.

Posted by Darius